Autistic Female's Blog

This past week I reached another milestone in my quest to control my Autism.  I went to a major sporting event without having any sensory interference.

Growing up before receiving an official diagnosis I shied away from places that had massive crowds and noise.  A simple trip to the local store use to be like a prison sentence for me.  Most people will not understand this but everything in my surrounding environment felt like a giant waterfall of obnoxious noise, sights, and scents.  I mentally could not process the stimuli at the rate it was coming towards me.  As I result I almost always shut down, or covered my ears and started crying.

I must admit that at first I was afraid I may have made an impulsive decision which I would end up regretting.  When I recieved the invitation I immediately said “YES” with out any consideration to where the event was.  It was only after I gave a response that I sat down hours later to evaluate what I had just agreed to.

On the day of the event I was feeling excited and anxious at the same time.  I wanted to experience something new without drawing any negative  attention to myself.  I also did not have a positive mind frame at first because when I got to the arena it was already packed and in my head I said ” OH CRAP! This is going to be a total disaster!”   Much to my surprise  once I found my seat next to my cousin I focused only on the game in front of me and not on the booming cheers that were going on everywhere. I could not believe how many hours had past because before I knew it I had to leave and go home.

Thank You for reading!

Autistic Female

This month has been one long test of social interactions.  Each week I’ve  had events that have forced me out of my comfort zone and into the world of others.  Although some did not go as smoothly as I had planned, I learned that I am capable of doing almost anything if I work hard at it.

One gathering that turned out exceptionally well for me was my sister’s engagement party.  The place was hot, small, and the noise level had to be at least one trillion decibels.  Aside from these three infractions, I was able to hold it together and participate in the activities of the night.  I even surprised myself by feeling comfortable enough to say hello and converse with those guests  that I did not know well.  I did not have a lengthy conversation with anyone, I only said enough so as not to come across as rude.  Just letting people shake my hand was a big step for be because normally my neurotic fear of catching germs and bacterial disease makes me squeamish of those outside my inner circle.

Out of all the commitments I went to the most anxiety provoking was attending my boss’ wedding.   It was a new experience  for me as it was the first party I ever attended on my own.  Although I sat at a table with my co-workers I still had to act the part and pretend that all the stimulus in the surrounding environment was not bothering me.  I never disclosed to anyone that I have Autism so it would be seen as weird and rude if I went home early or sat outside by myself on one of the couches. This was the ultimate challenge for me that I knew I had to pass.  I basically treated the party as a regular working day.  I socialized with the people at my table and excused myself to the ladies room when I needed a break to regain my composure.

Being able to successfully navigate myself through these two very high anxiety situations has reaffirmed how far I have come from my painful and confusing childhood years.  I still have lots more work to do and realize that I can do things that I once thought impossible.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

I think it is a sure bet to go ahead and say that at some point in our life time we will have to work with individuals who are not the easiest humans in the world. Although I am in the same situation as described above during my employment, I have come up with the top 10 rules to surviving a hard coworker.  If used correctly, these strategies will make your job less stressful and your enemy at arms length.

1) Get a Radio

For me this is the most effective strategy 99.9% of the time.  It blocks out the unwanted sounds and distractions from the person you are trying to have minimal contact with.  It allows me to focus on what needs to get accomplished before the day is over.

2) Use Selective Hearing

If you find yourself in a situation where a co-worker treats the day as an eight hour therapy session my best advice is to use selective hearing and only listen to what is relevant to your job.  In my case, the minute I hear her complaining about personal issues I put in my imaginary ear plugs until something  business related is thrown in.

3) Keep it Short

When you have no other option but to converse with your difficult fellow employee. get straight to the point and do not add any unnecessary information.  Remember, they are not your friend.  You do not want to give them ammunition to use against you and cause trouble.

4) Keep a Log of Every Problem

This is your best defense in the event you need to lodge a formal complaint to your boss or Human Resources.  Keep notes that are detailed and in chronological order.  By providing actual evidence instead of hearsay or “I think”.  If this happens your notes will serve you well. Choose a notebook that is discreet.

5) Stock up on Cleaning Supplies

No matter what part of the world you reside in at some point you will encounter people who do not practice good hygiene.  In the unfortunate event that such a person works with you than I strongly recommend stocking up on heavy duty cleaning supplies.  This has two purposes.  You kill bacterial viruses and eliminate any offensive smells in your work space or surrounding area.  Scented disinfected sprays and wipes are a good way to go.

6) Say Good Morning First

Simply saying good morning first puts you in charge of the length on the interaction.  If you let the other person initiate first you will be forced to endure a painful monologue of useless information.  I know from my own experiences this is the last thing people want to deal with in the morning.

7) Tell a Friend or Family Member

I find it helpful to discuss certain problems with a trusted outside source because they can offer unbiased feedback on the situation.  In addition, it can be beneficial to you because they may have different strategies to utilize.

8 ) Always Keep Your Armor On

If one day your rival starts being nice to you, this should be an automatic sign they are up to no good.  I do not care what the environment is but a bully will only be polite to use something to their advantage.  Only give enough detail to answer the questions that are work related only.

9)  Do Not Lose Your Cool

I know this is easier said than done when a person’s anger level is high but it is very necessary in the work place.  Also a lesson that my family always taught me is the minute you start screaming you already lost the argument.  Be professional and firm in what you say to the one who made you upset.

10) Take Breaks Throughout The Day

If you feel yourself getting ready to take a stapler to shut your office mates yapper the best thing to do ii to take a deep breath and walk away from your desk.  Take time to let go of your frustrations and regain your sanity.  Do not let them see that they drove you nuts.  I personally take about 5 breaks a day.

I hope these tips will work as well for you as they did for me.  Good luck!

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

I have noticed that there are designated locations for smokers and people who are not kid friendly but no area exists for those who have sensory impairments. I think this should be rectified because all individuals regardless of being Autistic or not will have days where noises are more sensitive on their ears. I know from my own experiences commuting the mass transit system is sometimes a bit much for me to handle. Usually the cars are stock full of noise pollution ranging from Ipod’s booming to loud snorers. I can not take many sounds to begin with but my tolerance for them is significantly lower before my large cup of caffeinated coffee. Today is a perfect example of the point I am trying to make.

This morning I woke up feeling exhausted since I have not yet recovered from the social activities that went on this past weekend. I desperately wanted to stay home but I knew this option was not possible. Eventually, I made it to the train where I hoped to get in a quick nap before my day even started. I also might have had an invisible sign on my back saying I was cranky because of all days everyone chose today to have a parade of obnoxiousness. John Doe mistook the train for an all you can eat breakfast buffet because for an hour I heard crunch, crunch, and crunch. I was so close to saying “You ate more than enough! Give your mouth and my ears a rest already!” The people up in age on the opposite end of the car were either hard of hearing or rude because instead of talking they shouted the entire trip. The last thing people want to hear before work is an in-depth analysis on the ailments of getting old. It is days like this where I wish a special “Quiet Only” car existed because it would make my day start off easier.

I feel that if there are special arrangements for individuals that have destructive habits than the same should apply for those with Autism. Many times parents of Autistic children are limited in the places they can take their child.  If public establishments designed their business around the consideration and acceptance of people with Autism and other special needs than they can become more integrated with society.

Thank you for reading!
Autistic Female

On Sunday I have reached a personal goal that took five years in the making. I went on a family vacation and made it through the week without having a meltdown. In the past I did not have the coping skills to deal with the lack of structure. For the longest time it was a family joke because the third or fourth day of every trip I had some sort of emotional out burst. My sister use to tease me and ask if I was going to hold the traditional MD.

This past week was definitely an excellent learning experience for me.  I realized I have grown up a lot during the course of the year.  I think that working full time has allowed me to gain more coping skills to help me when things are not going as smoothly as I have planned. On the last night we had a dinner party to wrap up the vacation. I had fun but after a while I needed to unwind and do my own thing.  Instead of having an Autism moment in front of everyone I excused myself and went to watch TV in bed. In the future I hope to have more pleasant outings with my family.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

Now that I shared with you that my favorite pick me up is shopping, it is only fit to discuss the places I can go to verses the ones I need to avoid.

Since sensory overload sometimes poses a problem for me, I do what I can to prevent a meltdown.  The best stores for me are ones that are small and neatly organized.  I am fully focused and there are fewer distractions that will get me anxious.  The one thing I love about the store I do the most damage is it has a rhyme and reason to it.  Every item is arranged by color and size order.  It is an Autistics dream because it is organization at its best.  You go straight to the article of your choice without searching for a needle in a haystack.  Unlike other major department complexes, there is an abundance of sales people eager to assist you.  All of these characteristics provide me with a very pleasant experience.

While there are many places I can enjoy, others I ignore like the plague.  My biggest enemy is the discount wholesale store.  They are about as structured as a three ring circus.  It is so over stimulating it can be considered cruel and unusual punishment.  From the minute you enter the sliding doors you are greeted by obnoxious noise, sights, and smells.  The patrons act like wild life animals and you need to pray upon your lucky stars to make it out alive.  The whole establishment reminds me of the game show where you have to buy the most items to win the prize.  All joking aside, everyone pushes a cart filled with goods from all categories such as food, clothing , and appliances.  Unless you’re doing humanitarian missions, no one in their right mind needs to buy so much.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

When it comes to dealing with life’s many issues everyone has a different strategy to get over the hump. While some take drugs and alcohol to feel better, I  go shopping.  Yesterday I was having a really off day.  I felt sorry for myself and could not find one thing in my life to be excited about.  I needed to get out of the house and do something constructive instead of swimming in a pool of self pity.  I made my mom take me to the mall so I can get happy and buy myself presents in the process.  Hey I am not hurting anyone and I am helping the economy at the same time.  Anyway, there is definitely something about removing yourself from the situation your in that changes your overall mind set.  The minute I started browsing through the clothes I felt at ease.  It was like all the issues I had before sailed out to sea.  I purchased everything that made me look pretty.  I am still a woman and I need to look and feel good about myself.  I do not go overboard.  I spend only what I can afford and then call it a day.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

Greetings from the beach!! It is independence day and for me it would not be complete without laying in the sun soaking up some rays.  Any way a couple of minutes a go a miscommunication led to a verbal altercation between my future brother in law and myself.  A gust of wind came along which caused his newspaper to go flying.  I was having a conversation with my sister and he thought I called him a name.  He rudely interrupted and shouted at me which took me by surprise.  This did not sit well with me and in the heat of the moment I screamed right back.  When I asked him what his issue was he told me ” I do not like being called stupid”  After arguing with each other my sister had to interject and tell him that he heard wrong.  He apologized and I accepted but I learned something at the same time.  I realized that when people ( I too am guilty of this) are not fully paying attention they can hear things that were never said. Also it is best to ask for clarification instead of jumping to conclusions.  I myself will do this in the future as well.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

The most common misconception about Autism that really gets my blood boiling is the one that states ” Individuals with Autism can not show affection”  It bothers me that we live in the age of the Internet where information is readily available at our finger tips and people still deem this to be true.  What many do not understand is that we can show affection but how we do so is different.

Coming from a large Asian Italian family everyone is obsessed with giving hugs and kisses.  They perceive hugs as a sign of respect and take it personally when they do not get one.   I on the other hand am more reserved with my emotions and to me a hug is an invasion of my space.  While most families accept individuality, mine treat it as if it is a crime punishable by law.  There were countless family fights over me because they tried to get me to conform to their standards.  I’ve got an aunt and uncle who scarred me so much from my childhood that to this day I still dread every time I have go over the house.  They constantly made fun of me and on top of that actually felt in a position to  judge and call me the “cold fish”  To them I was defiant because I never  gave a hug or spoke a word when I was in their presence.  Autistic or not, if someone is not treating you well you would not want to associate with them either.

On the other side of the token we have my grandfather who is very open minded and accepting.  He was able to fully understand my issues and being a salesman treats my visits as if I am a potential customer.  He’s patient with me and knows to let me initiate things first instead of starting things when I am not ready.  For example, while we can talk for hours on end about nothing in-particular he waits for me to say the first words.  Most of all though he never gets angry if I just visit and don’t say anything.  He knows it is not a sign of disrespect but rather a sign that I need to be left alone in my own little world.  Actually out of all my family that I see most often I have the best relationship with him because he does not try to tweak me.

Basically what it all come down to is acceptance and comfort level.  If you want to have a successful relationship with an Autistic individual it is best to let them seek you out first.  Do not forget that we process stimulus differently so what is seen as aloofness to the average eye is really our way of sorting everything out.  It is not a good idea to be pushy because that can cause them to shut down which is the opposite result of what you are trying to achieve.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

Although I got home at my regular time  I did not get to relax yet.  The air conditioner is on its way out so my parents decided that today would be a great day to make an appointment with the  salesman to come over for an estimate.  The guy has been here for 3 hours already and is really starting to wear out his welcome.  At least in my opinion he is. How long does it take to inspect a stupid piece of machinery and spit out an overly expensive price? I have to act all day and now I’m being forced to do it in my safe haven as well.  First off I am wearing a workout outfit instead of my pajamas which I rip on the minute I get home.  I am not fully relaxed in sweats because to me  it feels like I still have to go out and do something. The dogs are locked in the basement instead of laying on my bed fighting each other to see who will get to sit next to me.  I can’t roam free because I know that someone is here that should not be. Granted people are going to read this and think ” big deal get over it already” . What people do not know is for me this is a big deal.  I have to adapt to changes all day long and I look forward to going home which is a place that normally has a changeless environment.  I really want to scream out ” When do you plan on leaving and going back to your own house?”  I know it is not appropriate so I am using what little energy I got left to not have a meltdown.  I need my space back and I am praying he leaves soon so I can recharge my batteries for tomorrow.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female