Autistic Female's Blog

Recently I have noticed that on days when I am not feeling well my Autism characteristics get worse than on an average day.  For the last two weeks I have battled Asthmatic Bronchitis.  It is during this time where my tolerance for sensory and patience for people were significantly lowered.

One day last week I was sitting in a doctor’s office with mom when I had an attack in the waiting room.  A woman was sitting in the chair across the way but she kept staring at me. Normally I would have just gotten up and walked away but being on medication that was making me bloated I became self-conscious and took everything the wrong way.  All of a sudden when I looked up and she made I contact with me I lost it.  I screamed ” Stop staring at me! I don’t know you and there’s nothing to see here so turn around and go back to your crocheting”   I think I might have scared the woman though as she kept her head down the rest of the time I was waiting in the office. I must admit that I was a bit taken back by my reaction as I have not screamed at a stranger in public in years

Now that I am feeling like my old self again I can slowly see my personality coming back.  I feel once again I have control over my sensory issues so I am not snapping at random people who are bothering me.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

First off let me start by saying thank God it is the weekend as I can finally unwind and re-center myself.  Anyway, the one thing I can never get accustomed to is life’s unpredictable events.  Over the past week and a half my world seemed like a natural disaster I could not control.

While many people can naturally adapt to unexpected changes it is something I can not handle well.  A family emergency occurred and my structured schedule went on the back burner in order to fix the imperative situation at hand.  Today I hit my breaking point and for the first time in years I had a melt down in public.  I was out doing last-minute Christmas shopping when mom reminded me I needed to buy a gift for someone I am not very fond of.  I can not explain exactly what happened next but it was like  a volcano erupted inside of me and every emotion I was hiding spewed out. I thought faster than I could speak and it came across like one big garbled message to which my family had to sort out.

When I am in a meltdown I  lose all consciousness of where I am or what is going on around me.  Apparently  it was worse than I thought as people were starting to stare at me voice my discontent.  Mom immediately removed me from the situation and  took me outside to  recompose myself.    After a few minutes I was back to my old self and we went home for the day.

One of the biggest issues I have that I’m trying hard to work on is vocalizing when I am at the end of my rope and need to relax.  Luckily, I was in the presence of a family member and not at my place of business.

Thank you for reading!!

Autistic Female

Not to long ago I was in the same position as a lot of people are right now.  I spent hours on end sending out resumes praying that the dream job would come knocking on my door.  It is during this time which I came up with a few tips to help ease the rocky road of the interview process.

1)Have an experienced member of the work force look over your resume.  What looks good to the average person may not be exactly what a company is looking for.

2)Go to your local library or book store and get a book of interview questions.  There will be many different types so take time to look over each book and pick one that works for you.

3)  It is a great idea to highlight or post it note questions that are appropriate for you.  Remember interview books are meant to serve a wide range of people.

4) Write out each question on a legal pad or word document.  Sit down with a family member or friend and come up with relevant appropriate answers to each question.

5) Buy a binder and protective cover sheets to put your study sheets in.  That way you will always have a reference  for quick reviews.

6) Rehearse , Rehearse and Rehearse.  Since many Autistic’s need constant repetition while trying to gain new skills the same needs to be applied with learning how to interview.  Practice every single day until you feel comfortable answering every question.  Given the fact that not all interviewers will phrase everything  the same way it is beneficial for you if the person you’re studying with reworded some questions.

7) Go on the interview and discuss relevant commonalities.  It will help ease the tension in the air but most importantly it will show that you have knowledge on other subjects other than what is being asked of you. For example on the place of my current employment my old boss grew up in the same home town so I spoke about that with him for a majority of the time.

8 ) Write a thank you email the same day.  This will keep your name fresh in the mind of the employer and show that you are serious about wanting a job.  Even if things did not pan out as smoothly as planned you still want to show that you handle yourself professionally. Also you never know if you will encounter this person again later down the road.

9) Take rejection graciously.  I know this is hard to do when by nature our first instinct is to get defensive but it is extremely important not to have a verbal altercation with the person on the other end of the phone.  Keep your response short but sweet and then after you hang up feel free to vent to someone you trust.

I hope that you can take these tips and use them to your advantage no matter what point of the interview process you are in.  Like everything else it is something that takes practice until you get it perfect.  Good luck!

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

One of the biggest issues about being outside my comfort zones is dealing with a germ and bacteria ridden environment. While a lot of people are able to control their idiosyncrasies I usually get tense to the point where I feel physically ill.

On my top ten list I would have to go ahead and say that the mass transit system is a major culprit.  Since I live way out in the suburbs it is my only means of transportation.  In any case , the point is everyday for almost 90 minutes I sit in an incubator of viral plague.  Everyone either coughs or sneezes which only contributes to my already heightened level of anxiety.

A perfect example would be an event that happened this week.  I was on my way home from work when the train decided to inconvenience me and make two additional stops to pick up passengers. Let me just say I felt like I was waiting in the sick patient room at a doctor’s office.  I felt like each rider had a motive to infect others with disease.  I got stuck in a state of repulsiveness which I could not snap out of.  In fact I actually started to get overheated but I knew I had to hold it together when I really wanted to jump out of the emergency window. Finally after an agonizing ride I made it home without getting arrested or causing a public scene.

While many people have the ability to take life’s annoyances and move on it is something that I struggle with and can not help but to perseverate on the  object of my discontent.  I hope that as time goes by I can learn to remove myself mentally from this annoyance and try to enjoy my commute back to my home and safe haven.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

This past week I reached another milestone in my quest to control my Autism.  I went to a major sporting event without having any sensory interference.

Growing up before receiving an official diagnosis I shied away from places that had massive crowds and noise.  A simple trip to the local store use to be like a prison sentence for me.  Most people will not understand this but everything in my surrounding environment felt like a giant waterfall of obnoxious noise, sights, and scents.  I mentally could not process the stimuli at the rate it was coming towards me.  As I result I almost always shut down, or covered my ears and started crying.

I must admit that at first I was afraid I may have made an impulsive decision which I would end up regretting.  When I recieved the invitation I immediately said “YES” with out any consideration to where the event was.  It was only after I gave a response that I sat down hours later to evaluate what I had just agreed to.

On the day of the event I was feeling excited and anxious at the same time.  I wanted to experience something new without drawing any negative  attention to myself.  I also did not have a positive mind frame at first because when I got to the arena it was already packed and in my head I said ” OH CRAP! This is going to be a total disaster!”   Much to my surprise  once I found my seat next to my cousin I focused only on the game in front of me and not on the booming cheers that were going on everywhere. I could not believe how many hours had past because before I knew it I had to leave and go home.

Thank You for reading!

Autistic Female

This month has been one long test of social interactions.  Each week I’ve  had events that have forced me out of my comfort zone and into the world of others.  Although some did not go as smoothly as I had planned, I learned that I am capable of doing almost anything if I work hard at it.

One gathering that turned out exceptionally well for me was my sister’s engagement party.  The place was hot, small, and the noise level had to be at least one trillion decibels.  Aside from these three infractions, I was able to hold it together and participate in the activities of the night.  I even surprised myself by feeling comfortable enough to say hello and converse with those guests  that I did not know well.  I did not have a lengthy conversation with anyone, I only said enough so as not to come across as rude.  Just letting people shake my hand was a big step for be because normally my neurotic fear of catching germs and bacterial disease makes me squeamish of those outside my inner circle.

Out of all the commitments I went to the most anxiety provoking was attending my boss’ wedding.   It was a new experience  for me as it was the first party I ever attended on my own.  Although I sat at a table with my co-workers I still had to act the part and pretend that all the stimulus in the surrounding environment was not bothering me.  I never disclosed to anyone that I have Autism so it would be seen as weird and rude if I went home early or sat outside by myself on one of the couches. This was the ultimate challenge for me that I knew I had to pass.  I basically treated the party as a regular working day.  I socialized with the people at my table and excused myself to the ladies room when I needed a break to regain my composure.

Being able to successfully navigate myself through these two very high anxiety situations has reaffirmed how far I have come from my painful and confusing childhood years.  I still have lots more work to do and realize that I can do things that I once thought impossible.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

I think it is a sure bet to go ahead and say that at some point in our life time we will have to work with individuals who are not the easiest humans in the world. Although I am in the same situation as described above during my employment, I have come up with the top 10 rules to surviving a hard coworker.  If used correctly, these strategies will make your job less stressful and your enemy at arms length.

1) Get a Radio

For me this is the most effective strategy 99.9% of the time.  It blocks out the unwanted sounds and distractions from the person you are trying to have minimal contact with.  It allows me to focus on what needs to get accomplished before the day is over.

2) Use Selective Hearing

If you find yourself in a situation where a co-worker treats the day as an eight hour therapy session my best advice is to use selective hearing and only listen to what is relevant to your job.  In my case, the minute I hear her complaining about personal issues I put in my imaginary ear plugs until something  business related is thrown in.

3) Keep it Short

When you have no other option but to converse with your difficult fellow employee. get straight to the point and do not add any unnecessary information.  Remember, they are not your friend.  You do not want to give them ammunition to use against you and cause trouble.

4) Keep a Log of Every Problem

This is your best defense in the event you need to lodge a formal complaint to your boss or Human Resources.  Keep notes that are detailed and in chronological order.  By providing actual evidence instead of hearsay or “I think”.  If this happens your notes will serve you well. Choose a notebook that is discreet.

5) Stock up on Cleaning Supplies

No matter what part of the world you reside in at some point you will encounter people who do not practice good hygiene.  In the unfortunate event that such a person works with you than I strongly recommend stocking up on heavy duty cleaning supplies.  This has two purposes.  You kill bacterial viruses and eliminate any offensive smells in your work space or surrounding area.  Scented disinfected sprays and wipes are a good way to go.

6) Say Good Morning First

Simply saying good morning first puts you in charge of the length on the interaction.  If you let the other person initiate first you will be forced to endure a painful monologue of useless information.  I know from my own experiences this is the last thing people want to deal with in the morning.

7) Tell a Friend or Family Member

I find it helpful to discuss certain problems with a trusted outside source because they can offer unbiased feedback on the situation.  In addition, it can be beneficial to you because they may have different strategies to utilize.

8 ) Always Keep Your Armor On

If one day your rival starts being nice to you, this should be an automatic sign they are up to no good.  I do not care what the environment is but a bully will only be polite to use something to their advantage.  Only give enough detail to answer the questions that are work related only.

9)  Do Not Lose Your Cool

I know this is easier said than done when a person’s anger level is high but it is very necessary in the work place.  Also a lesson that my family always taught me is the minute you start screaming you already lost the argument.  Be professional and firm in what you say to the one who made you upset.

10) Take Breaks Throughout The Day

If you feel yourself getting ready to take a stapler to shut your office mates yapper the best thing to do ii to take a deep breath and walk away from your desk.  Take time to let go of your frustrations and regain your sanity.  Do not let them see that they drove you nuts.  I personally take about 5 breaks a day.

I hope these tips will work as well for you as they did for me.  Good luck!

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

I have noticed that there are designated locations for smokers and people who are not kid friendly but no area exists for those who have sensory impairments. I think this should be rectified because all individuals regardless of being Autistic or not will have days where noises are more sensitive on their ears. I know from my own experiences commuting the mass transit system is sometimes a bit much for me to handle. Usually the cars are stock full of noise pollution ranging from Ipod’s booming to loud snorers. I can not take many sounds to begin with but my tolerance for them is significantly lower before my large cup of caffeinated coffee. Today is a perfect example of the point I am trying to make.

This morning I woke up feeling exhausted since I have not yet recovered from the social activities that went on this past weekend. I desperately wanted to stay home but I knew this option was not possible. Eventually, I made it to the train where I hoped to get in a quick nap before my day even started. I also might have had an invisible sign on my back saying I was cranky because of all days everyone chose today to have a parade of obnoxiousness. John Doe mistook the train for an all you can eat breakfast buffet because for an hour I heard crunch, crunch, and crunch. I was so close to saying “You ate more than enough! Give your mouth and my ears a rest already!” The people up in age on the opposite end of the car were either hard of hearing or rude because instead of talking they shouted the entire trip. The last thing people want to hear before work is an in-depth analysis on the ailments of getting old. It is days like this where I wish a special “Quiet Only” car existed because it would make my day start off easier.

I feel that if there are special arrangements for individuals that have destructive habits than the same should apply for those with Autism. Many times parents of Autistic children are limited in the places they can take their child.  If public establishments designed their business around the consideration and acceptance of people with Autism and other special needs than they can become more integrated with society.

Thank you for reading!
Autistic Female

On Sunday I have reached a personal goal that took five years in the making. I went on a family vacation and made it through the week without having a meltdown. In the past I did not have the coping skills to deal with the lack of structure. For the longest time it was a family joke because the third or fourth day of every trip I had some sort of emotional out burst. My sister use to tease me and ask if I was going to hold the traditional MD.

This past week was definitely an excellent learning experience for me.  I realized I have grown up a lot during the course of the year.  I think that working full time has allowed me to gain more coping skills to help me when things are not going as smoothly as I have planned. On the last night we had a dinner party to wrap up the vacation. I had fun but after a while I needed to unwind and do my own thing.  Instead of having an Autism moment in front of everyone I excused myself and went to watch TV in bed. In the future I hope to have more pleasant outings with my family.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

Now that I shared with you that my favorite pick me up is shopping, it is only fit to discuss the places I can go to verses the ones I need to avoid.

Since sensory overload sometimes poses a problem for me, I do what I can to prevent a meltdown.  The best stores for me are ones that are small and neatly organized.  I am fully focused and there are fewer distractions that will get me anxious.  The one thing I love about the store I do the most damage is it has a rhyme and reason to it.  Every item is arranged by color and size order.  It is an Autistics dream because it is organization at its best.  You go straight to the article of your choice without searching for a needle in a haystack.  Unlike other major department complexes, there is an abundance of sales people eager to assist you.  All of these characteristics provide me with a very pleasant experience.

While there are many places I can enjoy, others I ignore like the plague.  My biggest enemy is the discount wholesale store.  They are about as structured as a three ring circus.  It is so over stimulating it can be considered cruel and unusual punishment.  From the minute you enter the sliding doors you are greeted by obnoxious noise, sights, and smells.  The patrons act like wild life animals and you need to pray upon your lucky stars to make it out alive.  The whole establishment reminds me of the game show where you have to buy the most items to win the prize.  All joking aside, everyone pushes a cart filled with goods from all categories such as food, clothing , and appliances.  Unless you’re doing humanitarian missions, no one in their right mind needs to buy so much.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female