Autistic Female's Blog

This past Memorial Day I accomplished more than I could have ever imagined possible.  I made it through three noisy, over stimulating events without having a meltdown.  I am beyond proud of myself and can not wait to share my experiences with the world.

From the minute I awoke out of bed on Saturday it was go time.  To be truly honest the environment around me felt as though I was amid a three-ring circus. We had a jam-packed agenda ahead and everything seemed to be happening faster than the speed of light.  I did not get a good rest the night before so I fought myself all day to push forward and get things done.  After running all over the South Shore of Long Island I was in a mood that was far from festive.  Unfortunately I could not call it a day because I still had a pre-wedding dinner to attend.

When I arrived at the party it took all the strength I had to paste on my happy face mask.  I was extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to be home in my pajamas.  Now the absolute last thing I wanted to do was draw negative attention to myself so I sucked it up and went with it.  I grabbed a glass of caffeinated soda to help knock me out of my coma and slowly started to talk to people when I was ready. I find it works best for me to stay in the background until I feel comfortable enough in with my surroundings before initiating conversations. There is something unnerving about having someone start talking to me the minute I enter a room.  My guard goes up and I usually do not respond back to well.  Apparently I had a better time than I originally planned because before I knew it, it was time to go home.

On Sunday the big event took place that was over a year in the making.  It was my sister and new brother in law’s wedding.  Everything about it was spectacular. The thing I am most proud of is the fact that I did not stim or meltdown for the entire day.  I was able to interact without having  my infamous  ” oh please shut up or make a point already” feeling coming over me.  Even guests who I am far from  fond of did not seem to bother me.  Another accomplishment  I reached was dancing the night away with my family.  Usually I do not feel comfortable enough to let loose and have fun like that but it is definitely something I want to  try to replicate the next time I go out to a social function.

After the last two days have passed I was absolutely burned out and  wanted to retreat back to my comfort zone.  Unfortunately, being the Maid of Honor also meant that I was responsible  for the post wedding breakfast. I tried to stay as long as I could but after an hour I needed to leave.  I informed my mother that I was quitting my job as host and going back to my hotel room to relax.  I am blessed to have understanding parents who let me leave with no questions asked every time I feel like I am nearing the end of my rope.

That weekend was  one of my best learning experience.  I realized that I am a lot stronger than I give my self credit for and with the proper coping skills I can truly accomplish anything.  I know  now that if I was able to get through a whole weekend of social activities than everything else is just icing on the cake.

Thank you for reading!!

Autistic Female