Autistic Female's Blog

The one thing I hate in life more than going to the dentist is change. I resist against it to the umpteenth degree and loudly voice my discontentment. Being the only one of my kind in a Neurotypical family, I frequently get the response of “just go/move forward with it” or “stop being difficult on purpose”. I love them but it is very frustrating for me that they expect me to see and react to things their way when they do not even consider mine.

This past summer I learned that night before leaving for family vacation that my sister was pregnant with her first child. While everyone was idiotically overjoyed to me it was bad news and an inopportune timing. It was the thorn that popped my happy bubble and ruined my entire trip. It was too late for a back out option and now I was stuck with family for seven days in a beach house. They kept asking me what I thought about the future addition and I kept promptly responding “Do you honestly expect me to be happy about that? Because if you do your kidding yourself! They hated my responses and I hated all of them so it made for a fun week of awkward meals and overall avoidance. 

Before anyone starts pointing the finger or judging me it is important to understand that Autism and change will never mix. It is my natural enemy that I can never fully be prepared for despite the many years of intervention I have under my belt. In my world everything runs on structure including the rare few I allow inside. Each member is given a specified rank & purpose that is designated to them for life. In my mind adding a new member into my pact is like rebuilding a house after a natural disaster. The foundation is gone and I am forced to start over from scratch rearranging everything to determine where this new member will be able to fit inside.

Since my nephew’s arrival about two months ago not too much has changed in my immediate environment but I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that he will actually be here on a permanent basis. He has won over my heart and I think he is adorable but my comfort level is not quite there yet. For now I just keep to myself and stare at him when he is near me. That will come with time as we both get to know each other on our own terms. I am just happy with the realization that my pack is still a tight unit and no one has been replaced.

Thank you for reading my blog!

Autistic Female 

Have I ever told you how much I love April? A whole 30 days dedicated to the Autism Spectrum Disorder does not get any better than that! While each year interventional and educational therapies get the most attention, many fail to shine a light of acknowledgement to the group of special people in the background who make all of this possible.

As a high functioning Autism adult trying to live as fully integrated in a Neurotypical world, I can say for certain that out of all the interventionists, my support system is one that never disappoints. They have the hardest job in the world and do so without complaint, pay, or sick leave!

The first set of most valuable players on my team are my mommy and daddy. Thank you for continuing the fight and advocating on my behalf to get me all the services I need to be able to live independently one day.

I know what many of you are thinking after reading that last sentence and the best answer I can provide is this. By definition I am seen as an “adult” in the worlds eyes but developmentally, I am not quite there yet. There are many programs that I have aged out of but when it comes to life skills Autism has no age limit.
Next in line for the spotlight is my older sister or as I use to say before I started speech therapy my “swista”! She will take over some of the responsibilities of my parents when they are in their older years. She is my biggest cheerleader who never stops giving that loving push to force me outside of my comfort zone. I undoubtedly voice my discontent the entire time but she is with me every step of the way. It may take me more than one or two tries but in the end she is always right. I was able to do what she asked of me and the final results are what is most rewarding.

To my life coach, thank you for agreeing to join me on my journey when I came into your office almost 15 years ago. We definitely have a love hate relationship (mostly on my end Haha). I can be stubborn and go months without coming in on my scheduled appointments but I appreciate the fact that you never turn me away. You helped make me the successful person that I am today and I can’t wait to see what other milestones we can accomplish together.

Last but not least there is my boyfriend. I don’t know what was going on in your mind when you asked me to be your girlfriend five years ago but whatever it is I hope it never changes. Thank you for being different. You always see me as a “normal” person and treat me with the highest level of respect. I come with an extra set of challenges that doesn’t always make your life easier but I admire your ability to keep loving me and pushing through.
The one thing I have learned about my journey with Autism is that every day brings forth a new adventure. There is always a sensory issue, communication mishap, or anxiety phobia lurking in the background to which I can not prepare for. When these monsters make their appearances overload or meltdowns occur. It is the downside of the spectrum but having my round the clock support team with me makes life easier.

If others with Autism are reading this and you are not lucky to have what I have don’t give up hope. Guardian angels show up at the most unexpected times in the forms of friends, coworkers, or even strangers. There is someone out there waiting to help you!

Thank you for reading,

Autistic Female

Since we are a week away from April 2nd I thought I would take a few minute to share my thoughts with the world. 
How is it that our community demands acceptance & understanding from the Neurotypical society yet behind the scenes we don’t even accept our own members who have different views on Autism’s causes, interventions to use, or charities to support! Until we can come truly come together as a whole our mission for global acceptance will never happen! 
Please feel free to comment or message me your thoughts. I respond personally to every email I recieve.
Thank you ,

Autistic Female
#Autism

#AutismSpectrumDisorder

#AspergersSyndrome

#Aspies

#Auties

#AutismAwarenessMonth

#WorldAutismAwarenessDay

#LightItUpBlue2017

#1in68

#Neurotypical 

#Neurodiversity

In honor of Autism Awareness Month here is a special post written by my best friend who discusses her first hand experience with having a friend on the spectrum.

When meeting Erica ten years ago, we made up two out of the 8 girls living in a college campus suite. I know what you are thinking, 8 ladies living together sharing one bathroom. That seems like the making of a good horror movie but it surprisingly was anything but that. It was a great experience mainly due to the group of ladies we were that year.

All in our early twenties and still struggling to figure out who we were, I think we all saw Erica’s struggles and took her in under each of our wings. I’m not sure any of us were fully aware Erica had Aspergers but we were able to recognize she needed a little more support.

Thankfully we were a group of ladies that embraced Erica’s quirks, along with each others, always with a good laugh and mutual respect. There might have even been an occasional celebratory drink for any and every occasion.

If we all had a different role in that suite, Erica was the brutally honest one. She was the girl you went to if you wanted to know if an outfit made you look fat. Sometimes the opinion was offered without even asking Erica. Thanks Erica, I guess I’ll return that new dress!

In the beginning of the year, Erica was the girl behind her computer instead of hanging out amongst a social group. Some might even have called her a loner. It became our mission to always include Erica and make her feel a part of our sisterhood. By the end of the year she was the first one asking what we were doing that evening.

Now in our 30’s I can honestly say Erica does not need protection from anyone. She is able to not only defend herself but she does a great job at it too. I think she is a wonderful example of someone who has learned to live with a condition and grab it by the horns.

She continues to speak her mind honestly, sometimes her honesty stings but like a true friend she has always apologized if offensive. Erica is smart, successful, works hard and is more confident then the Erica I met in her 20’s. I am very proud of the person Erica has become.

Katherina Mancuso

Growing up I always thought that I was the one with the “issues” as I could never relate to those around me.  I would sit for hours wondering what i was doing wrong to not be accepted.  As an adult I began to open my eyes and realize my inability to connect with neurotypical people may not be entirely my own doing.

Lately I’ve been observing the social interactions of higher-ups in the corporate environment and I can not stop but think to myself how on earth do people get so far in life being despicable. For instance, there is this one man in particular who has the worst people skills that he can not even speak without throwing a stab at someone.  I recently overheard someone ask him a question to which he responded “And did you read the email top to bottom? It was written in perfect English by myself so I don’t see what wasn’t to comprehend?” He walked away leaving the person and everyone around him speechless.  I am far from being the queen of proper social etiquette but I know for a fact that is definitely now how you talk to people, especially in a work setting.

Communication and respect is a two way street.  If someone is not treating you with dignity or respect than it is your right as a human being to not want to associate with that person.  It is my hope that after reading this my followers will realize that its only natural to not get along with someone but the reason behind it may not be your fault at all.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female 

Before I begin let me just answer everyone’s question by saying NO, I have not been having a 14day meltdown since I wrote part one. If that was the case I probably would have aged about 10 years and my eyes would look bigger than major league baseballs. I have just become obsessed with trying to get everything done for my Autism walk next month and couldn’t really deal with anything else! My fellow spectrum mates all know how that goes when we become super focused on something. Anyway on a serious note I am going to share with all of you all most basic steps that help me ride out a meltdown without causing a scene.

Shut up: I know this sounds a bit harsh when you read this but it is the truth. There is a reason it is called a meltdown and that is because I can no longer physically or mentally process everything that is going on around me. Adding more unnecessary noise such as talking only makes things worse as it is more sensory that I have to try to filter out in my already crammed head. For all the neurotypicals reading this the best association I can give to you as to what it feels like is imagining yourself drowning in the water trying to get free only to have more water poured on top of you

Turn off the lights: I know this sounds crazy but it actually works for me. Sometimes when I have a meltdown the dullest light can seem to be bright like that sun to me. I find that when it is dark I am able to calm down much faster as I only have one stimulus to deal with instead of two. Also if in public and this is not a viable option the next best thing is to take a deep breath and close your eyes for just a few minutes. I don’t mean fall asleep I just mean to take a brief mini vacation from the environment your in.

Go to a safe haven: The best way to avoid unwanted attention is to remove yourself from the situation your in and go to your “Safe place” where you are most comfortable. When I am at home and feel like I am going to have or are already having a meltdown I go to my room and close the door behind me to let things unfold. If a meltdown occurs during working hours my best piece of advice I can offer is go down to the infirmary and just relax until your in a better place to get back to your activities. If that is not an option you can always go to the restroom or take a quick walk around the block

Do not drink alcohol: I learned this the hard way and it does not make you happy like you see in the movies. Trust me just avoid at all costs!

Do your favorite activity: Believe it or not this may actually curve the amount of time a meltdown lasts for. Whenever I am having a down I usually out of habit just go to doing some of my favorite activities such as doing a jigsaw puzzle or artwork. I find that by participating in activities that I like or am good at I refocus my energy and forget what caused my meltdown to begin with.

Go with the Stim: I can say this after having thousands in my almost 30 years on earth that when you meltdown you will stim. My advice is to just go with it and let it happen. You’re already fighting with yourself internally so why add another fight when a little stimming never hurt anybody? After all, I know plenty of neurotypical people who have been known to stim as well.

Thank you for Reading!

Autistic Female

For those of you who want to know what a meltdown is like in the shortest and simplest answer I can give it is sort of like having a seizure.  You can’t tell when when one will occur, how long it will last for, and you are always left physically and mentally exhausted after one happens.  Part two shall come tomorrow after I too finish my current meltdown as I am having a very hard time today dealing with my Autism

Thanks for reading!

Autistic Female 

After having a debate with someone in one of my groups I run on Facebook I decided to post this to see how others view things. Would you consider flirting with other people when in a relationship an act of cheating or harmless fun? I have my opinion and think its playful fun bc if your secure within your own skin and you trust the person your with it should be a non issue. Also if someone your dating no longer likes you they would just get up and leave so they can go find happiness elsewhere.

Thank You for reading!

Autistic Female

Autistic Female 

This past weekend I put myself up to the ultimate challenge by taking my boyfriend to a sporting event in New York. Normally I try to only stay in my comfort zone but I wanted to prove to myself that it is ok to venture out and try new things. Now don’t let this fool you by thinking it was a spur of the moment decision. It took weeks of planning with my mother to make sure everything was laid out so a meltdown would be avoided. On the day of the game I was as prepared as I was going to be. We left three hours before the event even started leaving us ample time to take the railroad and figure out the subway system before it got too crowded with people. Luckily I made myself screenshots of the subway route so I knew where my stop was as the conductor never made announcements as to where the train was heading. When we got to the stadium, I am not going to lie my first reaction was ” I did it! I actually got us here without getting lost”. My self confidence was soaring as I now know I can do anything with the help of a little preparation and Autism will only stop me if I let it.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female