On Saturday I had a very difficult time trying to cope with my Autism. From the minute I stepped out of bed I started to stim. In my opinion this occurred at the most inopportune time because I had a list of obligations which required me to leave the house. If there is one thing I am good at it is fighting the fight and pushing forward so that is exactly what I did.
I admit that I love to eat as I find it to be one of the best comforts around. It does not talk back to me and is almost always the perfect closure to a bad day. Thinking this would provide some sort of resolution my sister and cousin took me to the local pizza shop for a ladies lunch. While I usually end up feeling better afterword all that was resolved was my hunger level. I still could not stop stimming and I was getting extremely frustrated.
When I arrived at the hair salon I was exhausted and longed to be home where I can go enter my own world. Mom did not get food with us so when she saw me her automatic reaction was “What is bothering you because your hands are shaking” I told her that I was having one of my “off” days and I could not stop it no matter how hard I tried. She told me that everyone has their days and that it was okay to feel out of sorts. I don’t usually like waiting on a normal day so when I am not myself my tolerance is much lower. Not wanting to get arrested for acting irrationally I picked up a gossip magazine and read the inside articles. I realized that this fluff magazine redirected my focus and for a few minutes I even started to stim a little less.
The minute I arrived at my house I felt as though I had won the state lottery jackpot. I longed for it all day and now that I was finally in my safe haven I treasured it even more. I was able to stop fighting with myself and go off to a world of my own. There is something very comforting to me about being home when I have hard day dealing with my Autism. It is the best place in the world as I am loved unconditionally without judgment.
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Autistic Female
Autistic Female's Blog 