In my opinion life with Autism is one big acting role with out the added bonus of getting paid millions of dollars. Every day is a new movie and I adjust my actions according to the environment around me. For example during the workweek between the hours of 8am and 4pm I have to act like everyone else in the corporate world. I get to play the part of a constipated person who lost the will for life, fun, and adventure. On top of that I am forced to put on a happy face and be nice to people I truly hate and cant stomach. This is a total opposite from who I really am but in order to be productive I have to temporarily lock up my free spirited and honest nature. Never an easy task but some how I get the job done.
Even going out to run errands is a production for me. The times when I get punked into going to Costco (a wholesale store) are the worst. This place is noisy, crowded, and everyone acts like wild animals that escaped from the zoo. It is definitely not the ideal spot for a person with Autism. My sensory issues go hay wire which only adds to my already high level of anxiety. I use what little strength I have left to hold it together and not have a public meltdown. Also the luck I have I’d be taken away in a straight jacket. I act like everything is perfect and that the obnoxious smells , noises, and lights are not bothering me. The only good thing is my parents understand that I can only tolerate that place for a total of 15 minutes so they shop fast to get me out of there.
When I come home after being in public all day I am exhausted in every sense of the word. I need to go back to my own little world where I am most comfortable. If I even try to push myself further I start stimming like crazy. I will tell you all this one thing though, being Autistic is definitely not a walk in the park. I am thrown more curve balls and challenges than most people see in their lifetime. I have a harder life but one in which I would not want to trade in. I did not ask to have Autism it was a choice God made more me. Every challenge turned me into the strong person I am and that is something no one can take away.
Thank you for reading!
Autistic Female
Autistic Female's Blog 