The Tale of a Nasty Neurotypical

Growing up I always thought that I was the one with the “issues” as I could never relate to those around me.  I would sit for hours wondering what i was doing wrong to not be accepted.  As an adult I began to open my eyes and realize my inability to connect with neurotypical people may not be entirely my own doing.

Lately I’ve been observing the social interactions of higher-ups in the corporate environment and I can not stop but think to myself how on earth do people get so far in life being despicable. For instance, there is this one man in particular who has the worst people skills that he can not even speak without throwing a stab at someone.  I recently overheard someone ask him a question to which he responded “And did you read the email top to bottom? It was written in perfect English by myself so I don’t see what wasn’t to comprehend?” He walked away leaving the person and everyone around him speechless.  I am far from being the queen of proper social etiquette but I know for a fact that is definitely now how you talk to people, especially in a work setting.

Communication and respect is a two way street.  If someone is not treating you with dignity or respect than it is your right as a human being to not want to associate with that person.  It is my hope that after reading this my followers will realize that its only natural to not get along with someone but the reason behind it may not be your fault at all.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female 

Meltdowns Part Two

Before I begin let me just answer everyone’s question by saying NO, I have not been having a 14day meltdown since I wrote part one. If that was the case I probably would have aged about 10 years and my eyes would look bigger than major league baseballs. I have just become obsessed with trying to get everything done for my Autism walk next month and couldn’t really deal with anything else! My fellow spectrum mates all know how that goes when we become super focused on something. Anyway on a serious note I am going to share with all of you all most basic steps that help me ride out a meltdown without causing a scene.

Shut up: I know this sounds a bit harsh when you read this but it is the truth. There is a reason it is called a meltdown and that is because I can no longer physically or mentally process everything that is going on around me. Adding more unnecessary noise such as talking only makes things worse as it is more sensory that I have to try to filter out in my already crammed head. For all the neurotypicals reading this the best association I can give to you as to what it feels like is imagining yourself drowning in the water trying to get free only to have more water poured on top of you

Turn off the lights: I know this sounds crazy but it actually works for me. Sometimes when I have a meltdown the dullest light can seem to be bright like that sun to me. I find that when it is dark I am able to calm down much faster as I only have one stimulus to deal with instead of two. Also if in public and this is not a viable option the next best thing is to take a deep breath and close your eyes for just a few minutes. I don’t mean fall asleep I just mean to take a brief mini vacation from the environment your in.

Go to a safe haven: The best way to avoid unwanted attention is to remove yourself from the situation your in and go to your “Safe place” where you are most comfortable. When I am at home and feel like I am going to have or are already having a meltdown I go to my room and close the door behind me to let things unfold. If a meltdown occurs during working hours my best piece of advice I can offer is go down to the infirmary and just relax until your in a better place to get back to your activities. If that is not an option you can always go to the restroom or take a quick walk around the block

Do not drink alcohol: I learned this the hard way and it does not make you happy like you see in the movies. Trust me just avoid at all costs!

Do your favorite activity: Believe it or not this may actually curve the amount of time a meltdown lasts for. Whenever I am having a down I usually out of habit just go to doing some of my favorite activities such as doing a jigsaw puzzle or artwork. I find that by participating in activities that I like or am good at I refocus my energy and forget what caused my meltdown to begin with.

Go with the Stim: I can say this after having thousands in my almost 30 years on earth that when you meltdown you will stim. My advice is to just go with it and let it happen. You’re already fighting with yourself internally so why add another fight when a little stimming never hurt anybody? After all, I know plenty of neurotypical people who have been known to stim as well.

Thank you for Reading!

Autistic Female

Meltdowns part one

For those of you who want to know what a meltdown is like in the shortest and simplest answer I can give it is sort of like having a seizure.  You can’t tell when when one will occur, how long it will last for, and you are always left physically and mentally exhausted after one happens.  Part two shall come tomorrow after I too finish my current meltdown as I am having a very hard time today dealing with my Autism

Thanks for reading!

Autistic Female 

The Good The Bad and The Flirt

After having a debate with someone in one of my groups I run on Facebook I decided to post this to see how others view things. Would you consider flirting with other people when in a relationship an act of cheating or harmless fun? I have my opinion and think its playful fun bc if your secure within your own skin and you trust the person your with it should be a non issue. Also if someone your dating no longer likes you they would just get up and leave so they can go find happiness elsewhere.

Thank You for reading!

Autistic Female

The Best Revenge

Sometimes the best revenge you can have against someone trying to embarrass you is to to make them feel stupid.  During the work week my normal routine is to get on the train, take my regular seat next to my commuter friends and fall asleep as I usually do every morning.  On Friday it was business as usual until I jumped out of my skin when the door slammed shut after the conductor left the car. I took a quick look around me only to notice that the gentleman in front of mstarted hysterical laughing and told his partner loud enough so I could hear “What the hell is with that lady? Did you see that?  I can’t believe she reacted that way” Now of course being the type of person I am I was not going to let him get away with this inappropriate behavior and figured it was the perfect time to put the spotlight on him for his lack of humanity. I politely answered what the hell is with me is that I have Autism and I do not always have the ability to control how I react to certain situations such as unpredictable noises like the one that just occurred.  Also I know you think this is hilarious but really your just pure evil for thinking that having a disability is  something that a person has a choice to make.  Needless to say he turned whiter than the ghost of Christmas past and promptly apologized after he got up with his partner to move into another section. Basically the point of my story is that you should never feel bad for things that are out of your control and if someone has an issue with that then the real problem just might be with them. 
 
Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female 

Big City Adventures

This past weekend I put myself up to the ultimate challenge by taking my boyfriend to a sporting event in New York. Normally I try to only stay in my comfort zone but I wanted to prove to myself that it is ok to venture out and try new things. Now don’t let this fool you by thinking it was a spur of the moment decision. It took weeks of planning with my mother to make sure everything was laid out so a meltdown would be avoided. On the day of the game I was as prepared as I was going to be. We left three hours before the event even started leaving us ample time to take the railroad and figure out the subway system before it got too crowded with people. Luckily I made myself screenshots of the subway route so I knew where my stop was as the conductor never made announcements as to where the train was heading. When we got to the stadium, I am not going to lie my first reaction was ” I did it! I actually got us here without getting lost”. My self confidence was soaring as I now know I can do anything with the help of a little preparation and Autism will only stop me if I let it.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

Finding a common ground

It’s almost Autism Awareness month and I just can not comprehend  why people are once again allowing themselves to become fixated on whether or not a certain charity organization is a good or bad representation of the Autism Spectrum.  Lets face it everyone is different and we all have our own personalities and viewpoints.  While we don’t all have to agree on subjects in this particular case it is necessary for everyone to put their differences aside and come together for a common goal which is educating society about this intricate way of life.  Most importantly is what kind of mixed message are we sending to the world if we parade around expressing the need for acceptance when in reality we cant even accept and appreciate each other.  We must first welcome and respect one another and our commonalities if we want anyone to hear our voices and take us seriously. 

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

A Little Explanation Never Hurt Anyone

One of the biggest obstacles I have with working amongst nuero-typicals is the way they give out directions.  Yesterday I was given a task from my boss that I didn’t understand so when I went to ask for assistance  he goes “ Do A, B, and C add those together and you get D as the total and then sent me away.  While these instructions would have been adequate to the average person for someone like myself it came across as nothing more than meaningless words.  One if I knew the answer I wouldn’t have bothered asking in the first place and two being a person with Autism I would have gained a fuller understanding of what the step by step methodology was to reach the final result. It is important to remember that each person learns differently and sometimes you need to modify a lesson to meet ones individual need. No one is too busy that they can’t take five minutes out of the day to teach someone the proper way of doing something. A little clarification never hurt any one.  It is better to make sure you get a whole understanding of something before making a mistake and having to start something all over again.

Thank you for reading!

Autistic Female

For my Valentine

Over the past three months I have started dating a wonderful man that treats me like a queen. When we first met each other on a set up blind date I wasn’t really looking for anyone and didn’t really like him either.  I was still guarded from my previous breakup and thus didn’t give him the chance he deserved. After many conversations later I don’t know what happened but we became friends and feelings started to grow. 

He doesn’t care that I have autism and actually helps me work through my off days.  He might possibly know me better than I do as he is usually already aware of when I need quiet time before I say anything.   When we were at his New Years Eve party he could tell that I was becoming overwhelmed and we went outside until I was ready to rejoin the other guests.   

Now that I am in a relationship I finally understand that when you surround yourself with genuine people they will judge you only on personality and if you’re lucky like I am they will help you work on your imperfections.

 

A Different Voice

The most common myth about Autism that really ruffles my feathers states that “people on the Autism Spectrum cannot communicate” I think it is quite sad that we live in a world where technology provides us with information at the ready and yet society still holds tight to old age beliefs.  As an individual who understands Autism all too well, allow me to enlighten you as to how this theory holds no validity

Communication happens in various forms and no one way is better than the next.  The deaf interact by using Sign Language and the blind with Braille. Individuals with Autism are capable of communicating with the world but their method of doing so maybe different.  While many are able to vocalize their thoughts others often benefit from the use of pictorial cards.  It does not really matter at all how one converses; the point is it can be accomplished through years of practice and patience.

Growing up in a large Asian Italian family, social gatherings were inevitable.  Despite the fact that everyone around me seems to live for such occasions, for me it is the second most dreaded item next to a toothache.  For starters, I am by no means a fan of loud noises so when both sides of the family come together it is like a rock band meeting at a New York City protest.  I cannot focus as all I hear is loudness attacking me in every direction. Though only a few family members are able to accept this, I have learned that when I am in situations like the one mentioned about it is safest for me to revert back inside my turtle shell to prevent a meltdown.

Many people do not and may never be able to understand this concept, but it is not always a conscious effort to not speak with someone.  There are numerous times when I feel the need to defend myself against others but I physically cannot do so.  These impediments are beyond my control and I learned the best solution is to just ride it out.  However, it does not mean that I am an idiot and haven’t got a clue as to what is happening in the environment around me. My ability to use my voice may not always work but my ears do. I listen to everything people say about or around me and I have formed opinions to go along with what I’ve heard.  After all, the last time I checked listening was also a key player in the game of socialization.

Although I am a verbal Autistic, the most effective platform of letting others know what I am feeling is through written words.  I’m an open book of ideas and more often than not, my brain acts like the energizer bunny.  Normally, I think faster than I am able to speak which unfortunately results in everything coming out in one garbled message to which no one else quite understands.  To make matters worse, I usually cannot remember what I’ve just said because my mind has already moved onto different subjects. I love the simple fact that writing allows me to jot down anything at the exact moment it pops into my head.  It is not anxiety provoking as having a face to face with someone and I can leisurely take my time to process my thoughts and form them into rational statements that are comprehensible by all.  This might seem to most like a waste of everyone’s time but it is important to remember that some of the greatest people in history used inscriptions to convey their messages.

As one can see there are many variations in which humans express to others how they are feeling.  I think that if people were more open to individuality and embraced ones differences than the world would be a more peaceful place.  All too often, society (myself included) runs away from what scares them and in return end up missing an opportunity to learn something. The most important thing to remember is that just because things are done differently doesn’t mean its wrong.

Thank you for reading!!

Autistic Female

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