Pretending to be normal

Despite all of the interventions I have had the one challenge that is still difficult for me is holding it together when I am out in public.  This week has been nothing shy of mentally exhausting and I can not wait for the weekend. My sensory issues have decided to run in overdrive and I can’t  process  all the stimulus that is being thrown at me from all directions.

Today at work I found it extremely hard to keep my composure and be nice to my coworkers.  I wanted nothing more than to have a meltdown and go home.  My ears are super sensitive and for whatever reason the simplest noises such as someone typing too loud on the keyboard drove me nuts.  I couldn’t focus on anything because in my head all I heard was the volume of everything else around me.  I also think that I had a sign on my back that said everyone come bother me. I mean if my boss came up to my desk and talked to me one more time I thought I was going to have to take my stapler and shut her yapper for her.  Of course as tempting as this was I knew I could not do that so I was forced to put on my actors mask and pretend like I gave a rats about what she was saying.

I left work at my normal time and I cant even begin to tell you all how exhausted I was by the end of the day.  I had a large coffee from Starbucks along with a half  of a can of diet coke and I still felt like I got ran over by a bus.  I was in a bad mood from having to act all day and to boot I still had to take the train.  Thank God I am finally home in my safe haven where I can relax with complete silence.
Thank you for reading!!

Autistic Female

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